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Jeff Hilson

A F A L S E B O T A N I C - F O R E N S I C P O E M F O R F E B R U A R Y
As I walked out in the morning on the first day looking for the early
gentian I didnt find it in the morning instead I found an allis shad did
you mean to search for an allis shad & all in the morning on the first
day & as I set off in the evening on the second day to seek the
creeping marshwort I didnt find it with a lantern instead I found a
speckled footman I didnt mean to search for a speckled footman
with a lantern or in the evening & taking a turn on the third day in
the afternoon I tried to find the three lobed crowfoot I didnt find it
instead in the afternoon I found axl rose I was trying to find a three
lobed crowfoot instead I found axl rose & I began to cry & as I roved
out early one day searching for a slender naiad it was on the fourth
day & I didnt find it instead I found a narrow headed ant it was on
the fourth day & I didnt find it even though I tried & on the fifth day
at sunrise I went abroad looking for a lundy cabbage its just a
cabbage I thought & I didnt find it I couldnt see one anywhere
instead in the sun I found a smooth snake I didnt mean to search for
& I will surely die & as I strolled along at noon on the sixth day in
quest of the western ramping fumitory I didnt find it oh what shall I
do instead I found a harbour porpoise & it wasnt the same & as I
ventured out at night on the seventh day to locate the holly fern I
didnt find it instead I found a slow worm & well the tears fell from
me & on the eighth day as I tramped about at dawn on the lookout
for a fen orchid I didnt find it instead I found a skylark I didnt mean
to search for through the bushes or the briars & I fell down on my
knees & as I made my way at sundown in pursuit of a ladys slipper I
didnt find one oh it was on the ninth day & instead at midnight with
my lily white hands I found a large copper & a cold wind blew
through me & on the tenth day as I got going at daybreak to gather
in the eyebrights I didnt find any I was blindfolded & instead I found
a song thrush did you mean to search for a song thrush for to cut off
all its ears & on day eleven at first light as I set off to catch myself a
star fruit I didnt find it in the dark instead I found a devils bolete &
my heart is in the ground & as I headed out at dusk on the twelfth
day to bring in the interrupted brome I didnt find it I found instead a
robert plant but it was only make believe & on day thirteen as I left
home to pick a plymouth pear unlucky for me I didnt find it I forgot
about the time instead & in a ditch I found a glutinous snail I didnt
mean to search for no not ever in my life & on the fourteenth day as
I sallied forth to locate the norfolk flapwort I didnt find it nor in the
light nor in the shade instead I found a grizzled skipper I will never
call him captain & as I slipped away on the fifteenth day to uncover
the spreading bellflower with the sun overhead I didnt find it instead
I found a shrill carder bee I didnt mean to search for & I laughed & I
laughed because it sounded just like a robert plant & on day sixteen I
arose at dawn to hunt the green hounds tongue & as I did the east
was bright I didnt find it instead I found a red backed shrike & as it
killed me I cried I’m glad I’m not a red backed shrike & as I made a
start at dusk on the seventeenth day to unveil the prickly poppy I
didnt I fell asleep & in a dream I found instead the duke of burgundy
& oh oh on the kings right knee & on day eighteen as I departed late
to flag a deptford pink I didnt find it instead I found a false click
beetle a false false thing I didnt mean to search for & on the
nineteenth day at twilight as I broke camp to unearth the slender
bedstraw I didnt find it instead I found a twinflower & I wished I was
whole again & on the twentieth day in the middle of may as I rode
out to harvest wild asparagus I didnt find any instead I found a brown
hare did you mean to search for a brown hare to take away your
language & as I started off on day twenty one to sniff out the stinking
goosefoot I didn’t find it instead I found a vendace a true white fish I
never heard of & though it didnt mean to it too was stinking & as I
set forth in good time on the twenty second day to fall upon the
ground pine I didnt find it even though I fell upon the ground instead
I found a grey dagger & nobody cheered & on the twenty third day as
I stepped out at daybreak to track down the one flowered
wintergreen I didnt find it instead I found marc almond which was in
the wrong place & I was surely led astray & on day twenty four as I
took my leave to cut myself a least lettuce its just a lettuce I thought
& I didnt find it I couldnt see one anywhere instead I found a lundy
cabbage & it wasnt a cabbage at all & at eventide on the twenty fifth
day as I paced up & down to turn up the field wormwood I didnt find
it instead I found a lizard weevil I never thought of before & I didnt
mean to search for it & on the twenty sixth day I was up with the lark
to root out the scottish dock I didnt find it instead I found a red star
thistle I rubbed myself with which withered me to a stalk & on the
twenty seventh day as I took off at cockcrow to pluck myself a
cornflower I didnt find it instead in the corn I found an edible
dormouse but I didnt eat it & as I walked out on the twenty eighth
day which was the last day looking for a pennyroyal I didnt find it
instead I found a pound & I bought an irish pollan I didnt search for &
it was the last one left on the last day & I did eat it & with chips to
make it last forever

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